Thursday, September 02, 2010

Too much sometimes...

Sometimes it's just too much. Sometimes I'm just on the verge on taking the car and barging in and taking what I want.

It's absolutely ridiculous.

I am absolutely ridiculous.

There should be a law against someone so pathetic. It started when I was 15/16. Nearly gone around 18, completely gone at 19. Came back a little bit when I was 21, I think. Accelerated to something much much more when I was 22, I think, after my calculations. It is pathetic. I feel almost embarrassed to just writing this.

I just wish someone would see it, and help me. Because I can't manage it myself. I don't know what to do. I don't know how. Absolutely pathetic.


  1. Are you going to barge into Mr. Reds house with a car?

    What is it that you are feeling? Im only a message away :P

  2. LOL! Not crash the car into the house, but drive over there and then barge myself into the house.

    I'm feeling an intense longing, an intense need. And confusion as to why the feelings just won't go away. They're not getting proper nourishment, as I don't see him often enough, and I'm not trying to hold on to them, I'm just acknowledging their presence. But they're always there, no matter what I do. Sometimes in the background, other times too near the surface...

  3. I think the problem is that you are in a more or less empty place right now. You have to much free time, or too much time to think which gives such feeling the oppurtunety to resurface much stronger and give a greater impact.

    You need to sit down and make a list. A list of things that you really want to do. everything from travel to hobbies. And do something about it. Take a course in meditation, plan the trip to Japan, and occupy your time with getting the means to go there.. This will cleance your soul from such thoughts.

    I wish you all the luck in the world my "mellon"

  4. Gah! I was ALMOST finished with my reply, when I accidentally X-ed Opera and lost everything. Stupid. So I'll try again.

    I feel like I _am_ quite busy these days. School, work, cycling, writing... I don't know what else I can do to pass time and shut out thoughts without going all stressed about not having time to everything.

    And it's mostly just small, simple everyday things that set me off. Like my thought process the other day:
    I was putting something back in the fridge -> Thinking how wonderful it is to have a "fridge room" instead of a small normal fridge -> It's quite useful at Christmas -> Oooo! Christmas! I can't wait for Christmas -> I wish he could come for Christmas -> I want a hug on New Years Eve.

    But I guess I can try to find something more to do. Something that may just occupy my mind and not my time. And if all else fails, I guess I can bury myself in fanfiction:P Got quite a long list I need to get through... Or watch Big Bang Theory over and over and over :)

    Thank you, my aubergine (When I first read the comment, I read mellon as in the fruit and not the elvish word for friend. Though as far as I know you could have meant the fruit :P)

  5. Hey! Trying to find something to do, IS something to do! Yay!

  6. Nåååå... I miss you my mellon.